What is swinging? When to start with swinging? Who should change partners? These and many other questions will be answered in the following article.
In recent years, thanks to social media, people have become more open and libertine, this has also meant that one can increasingly hear expressions such as “swingers”, “partner swapping”, “group sex”, “threesome”, etc. We see more and more movies, books, TV shows and other media outlets discussing those same topics. This is a sign that a libertine lifestyle is no longer a taboo as it was 10-20 years ago.
Swinging as such is not really a new phenomenon, people have engaged in partner swapping since time immemorial, but it has simply not been talked about loudly. As the topic has now reached the public, many questions have emerged as to how, where, when, with whom, etc. should one start. That is why we have compiled this ABC for Swingers. The following content is not a scientific study, but instead our vision of life itself, we will be sharing our own accumulated experiences.
What is swinging or partner swapping?
Wikipedia says in the first sentence regarding this topic that swinging is a lifestyle in which people exchange partners. This is precisely correct – however, in order to gain a better understanding of the world of swingers a little better and to understand whether you are suitable for this world, it is necessary to ask a few more questions.
To who is swinging for?
Partner swapping is definitely not for couples who have problems trusting each other. Swinging is not something that will save a relationship! If your relationship has reached a difficult phase, then the problem itself does matter, but in most cases, swinging may instead ruin an already broken relationship.
Of course, everyone needs to know for themselves what their relationship is like and how strong it is, however, please do not start patching up a broken relationship with a libertine lifestyle. Rather, swing in order to prevent the problems that tend to arise in many relationships. Unfortunately, words like “mistress”, “cheating”, “lying”, “denial” are often associated with either little sex or routing. Swinging, as a lifestyle, can, if you are lucky, remove the aforementioned keywords from your relationship and make it significantly stronger and more colourful. Nothing is ever certain, but it can be one of the possible solutions to keeping your relationship sustainable for many years of living together. Several swingers have said that they had problems with cheating in their previous relationship and that they just do not want that kind of a life anymore.
Swinging provides you the opportunity to enjoy frisky adventures together, completely legally, without deceiving anyone.
When to start swinging?
The period at the beginning of the relationship should be excluded straight away. You do not know each other well enough at that time and you are not quite ready to share each other with strangers. However, you should do everything you can in your own bedroom and only then start looking around gradually. Partner swapping is a big step that is taken only when it seems that a certain type of routine has developed in the relationship and that the passion may be starting to subside a little. Naturally, every relationship is different, but the years spent together inevitably lead to the events in the bedroom becoming a bit routine. There are also many couples whose sex life cools down after the birth of children. Sex often tends to be forgotten or one no longer feels attractive after pregnancy. Swinging may allow one to more easily feel sexy again, as instead of being together with your partner, there will now be new people around who don’t see the woman at home as a child’s mother or the man as a father. Our opinion is that the way to a one's heart is through his/her stomach, instead love works slightly differently.
How to tell your partner that you are interested in swinging?
If the relationship is libertine from the get-go, it is definitely easier to bring up the topic of partner swapping in conversation. It is rather more difficult to start this conversation if you are not very open in the relationship, but somehow you do need to convey your wishes to your partner. One of the more common versions of starting this discussion is to begin with talking other people. For example, there are more and more articles in the media where real couples open up and this is a good example for others as well. If you are interested in this topic and have found an exciting article or TV show that discusses the topic of partner swapping, then this is a good opportunity to bring the topic up with your other half: “See dear, I’m reading this curious thing here” or “I ended up watching a slightly different TV show”. How to start swinging?
Approaching the topic in this way, you give the impression that you may be interested in it, but there is always the possibility to back-track if, for example, the other person gets furious and does not like the idea at all. Of course, the first reaction may not be final and there is often a shock, but it is a good way to get started with the topic. There are many different possibilities, and everyone has to find their own solution, but at the end of the day you are still in a situation where you have to talk about what you feel and what you want.
Can my partner fall in love?
As this is a very delicate topic, it is only natural that different fears arise and of them is what if my partners will fall in love with another? In addition to this, there are many different things that may go wrong, and in fact there is a risk that something will indeed go wrong, this risk is something that needs to be taken into consideration. Partner swapping is not, or at least it should not be, communication that takes place at the level of emotions. We do not say that communication should be cold or dull, but one must understand how you look at other partners and how do you feel about them. Rather, swinging should be treated as entertainment, which may be accompanied by passionate sex, but not feelings. Some couples also go to a higher level and do involve deeper feelings, there are even cases where partners are changed even for a week, but this is still exceptional, and this kind of behaviour does not fall under the heading of regular partner swapping. For the most part, however, swingers only meet, have sex, then go home to the embrace of their beloved partner – when they wake up, they may just have a subtle smile at the breakfast table.
Where should I search for information about swinging?
There are different ways to find information, it is however advisable to find different people who would talk about their own real experiences. You can also find information on the Internet, of course, but everything read there should always be taken with a pinch of salt. Many of these stories are someone’s wanton fantasies and may not have happened in reality. Certainly, films with erotic or pornographic content should not be trusted too much, as they are mostly based on scenarios where the spicier the story, the more views it will get – this in turn means more money for the producers.
Thus, find a website with the open-minded people that interest you, where you will certainly find a community of swingers – soon you will discover that you are surrounded by open-minded people who are willing to openly share their experiences with you.
What if I will be recognised at a swinger party?
This is likely one of the most common questions that people have, people actually answer this question quite logically and quickly themselves. Wherever you meet a friend/relative/acquaintance or a co-worker, know that he or she is in exactly the same situation. Thus, the simple conclusion is that if you both meet in the same open-minded environment, you will have the same interests and perhaps another topic to discuss together. Recognising each other is definitely less frequent on the Internet, because pictures with faces are not often shared there, but people have definitely met their acquaintances at events. It is definitely not worth being afraid of such a situation, as we mentioned, you are both in the same boat.
Who to swing with for the first time?
This question can be answered by drawing a comparison from whichever other field in life. If you go skydiving, would you prefer to jump with someone who is only making their first jump or with someone who has jumped repeatedly? We likely all know the answer, and this is exactly the case with swapping partners. Libertine people with previous experience usually remember quite well how they started and will certainly be happy to share their experience with others. Having found likeable companions with whom you seem to have a connection, things usually just go from there. Rarely there are cases where experienced swingers do not take care of the pair just starting with swinging. There are also couples who want to start from the exact same clean page, this is also perfectly normal, but there is a greater risk that something will be left unsaid to each other and this way, misunderstandings are easier to come by.
What are the rules and wishes of swingers?
Any couple who is planning to start swinging or is trying something out in this world, must first sit back and establish a dialogue with their partner. Together, the couple has to discuss what would be fine for both parties.
To do this, you can very easily make a three-point list, for example then, you can both name three things that you do not want the other to do with another partner. Now that the “don’t want” part is done, it would not hurt to mention both the things that you “want” that the other would do and the things that could excited you. The number three is just used as an example and you can choose to name as many of these points as you wish.
Some examples of the more common rules for swinging:
- Safe sex
- No kissing on the lips
- Same room, same bed
Some examples of the more common wishes of swingers:
- I would like to see You perform oral to her
- Someone is watching us having sex
- I would like a stranger to shove his cock into You
From time to time, all rules and wishes need to be discussed again, as they change over time, by discussing these topics, you will avoid problems and are able to change direction, if necessary.
How to get acquainted with swingers?
There are different possibilities, certainly the most common way in today’s internet age is to use various portals for open-minded people. We will come back to this topic in a moment and share some tips on how to choose the website for you, and so on.
Another way to meet people is to take part in some volunteer events. However, this often requires the use of some website, because information about parties is not shared very publicly and that way you would just not know what and when is happening.
The third option is dependent on your location, but you may consider visiting clubs for open-minded people. However, you have to be careful about what event or club you are going to visit. Clubs often host a variety of themed events, which may come as a big surprise.
It is difficult to say which of the three is the best option, but as mentioned earlier, the most common solution is to use the Internet, and so we will continue exploring that option.
How to choose an adult dating portal?
If you have opted to use the Internet, we would give you some warnings that may prevent the worst from happening to you.
Before you start creating an account anywhere, make sure that the page is secure. There are many websites that are unfortunately set up primarily for business purposes, so there is not too much concern for user security. The first tule when choosing a website is to find out whether the users are real people (validated) or not. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by malicious scammers. The next step is to find out the pricing of the portal. Today, many portals offer so-called “lifetime plans” that only require a one-time fee to be paid, that way you do not have to worry about what it will cost over the years. Next, it should be made clear whether you want to find people locally or globally. There are many local portals around the world, but if you plan to travel in the future and maybe want to meet people while doing so, then local portals are of little help. So, we think that three keywords would be:
- Validated users
- Users are global or local
How to create an attractive swinger profile?
Once you have found the suitable website, then before doing anything else, think about why you are on this page. Are you creating an account to keep see other users or are you sure that you want to get acquainted with new people and meet them if possible? If you do not have much interest in meeting new people, then it is not very important what you have on your profile.
However, when you are looking for an adventure, then the golden rule is to create exactly the kind of profile you would like to see other users have. This means adding pictures and not just of one partner, but it would be good to have pictures of both. If the website is not asking you to answer additional questions in advance, it is always a good idea to say in a few sentences what your experience is, what your interests are, what you expect from the website and possibly provide some additional clarifications. If you have opted to use a global portal, it is recommended to immediately choose a username that is international. It is also good if the introduction is in an internationally known language, otherwise your chances of meeting new people are just lower.
When adding pictures, do not just focus on the genitals, because no one wants to go and have coffee with the genitals of neither a woman nor a man, they want to meet the person. Sex is not the most important aspect in swinging, it is good to create chemistry beforehand and that cannot be found in the picture of genitals. The more diverse the profile, the greater the opportunities for meeting new people.
What are the dangers of adult dating portals?
Once you have created a profile using our tips, you will definitely need to be clear about the dangers lurking online.
Important! NEVER NEVER share naked pictures of yourself with strangers, because you never know who is on the other side of the screen. Even if the website that you are using has validated users, it does not always mean that no one will use your images with malicious intent. It is recommended to share pictures with your face on the picture only with those who seem to be trustworthy, but never share naked pictures with a face on the picture, if the person is a stranger!
How to say NO?
If it seems that there is no connection with the other person and it does not seem like there will be a connection, then please be direct and say the scary word “NO”. At this point, it may seem like you are insulting someone, but believe me, a much greater insult is when the other couple actively hopes to meet you, but you do not want the same. Saying NO on the Internet is much easier than saying it later in a café of even worse – in bed.
Example of how to say NO: “It seems to us that there is not enough chemistry to meet up.”
Do not forget that while changing partners, then all 4 people must fit together, not just 2 or 3. Saying “NO” does not always mean that people do not fit together on some other level. There are many couples who have just made new interesting friends among libertine people but have not reached the bedroom together – everyone has to recognise for themselves who they connect with.
What if you are told NO?
One part is saying NO, but what if you say NO? In this case, one must not be offended nor should one start disparaging others in any way. Remember how you met your partner and whether it was easy to find each other. It has certainly been easy for many, but there are also many other couples in the world who know that finding the right partner can be a little difficult. Now, however, it is necessary to get twice as many people to fit together. It is certainly not always easy, so if you are being told NO, be sure not to be offended. There will be new people and they will already say YES. Nor does it make sense to ask people afterwards about “what is wrong with us?” This is just not the way to do it, if you are not told why – then it is not for sharing.
How to break ice when meeting for the first time?
It all depends, of course, on where you meet. If you have arranged the first meeting at a club or a party where there are more people, it is probably more difficult to communicate with each other, because there are often other distractions and it may not be the most convenient place to talk calmly. In a sense, it is good and safe to meet at a club, because if you do not connect, then it is possible to continue to spend the evening without feeling embarrassed.
We would rather focus on the part where you have already gotten past the first date and reached this “next level”. It does not matter if you meet at someone’s pace or at a hotel, it is important however that you can feel safe without other people being around. NB! The presence of children nearby is definitely not a good idea!
However, when it comes to breaking ice, there are many different games for libertines to play nowadays, such as tasks in the style of “truth or dare”. These are certainly always the best ways to make communication sexier and bolder. There, touches of opposing couple’s partners occur during the game, which may cause awkwardness for the first time. The most difficult part is probably touching another’s man or wife for the very first time, because there is still a concern, what if my partner does not like what they see.
Here, the part where we talked about rules, comes in. It is a warm suggestion that if you go to meet someone like that, then take a few minutes before going and ask each other what the other expects from that night. This is the only way you can know what the other is hoping for or what the other is afraid of. Maybe you do not want physical contact while meeting for the first time, then at least this is known. Playfulness is however the best ice breaker.
Ice has been broken, what’s next?
If your stay together has continued erotically and the chemistry is in place, then it is the time to ask your partner again about how they feel at the moment. Although you talked to each other about your expectations and wishes before the event, these may have changed during the evening and now is the last moment to check those again.
It is not a rule that this is the way to act and if there is unbridled passion between all four to move on, it would be a little strange to break the atmosphere. However, if there seems to even be one insecure person in the company, you have to take time off and discuss. Note! If you ruin the first time due to a breakdown in communication, the second time may never come.
Do you have to have sex at a swinger party?
Surprisingly many people seek answers on this subject and the simple answer, of course, is NO. Everything in the libertine world is as in the rest of life, so you NEED NOT do anything. There is no “maybe” here, if you feel as if wanting to say NO, then it always means NO.
Do I have to change partners while swinging?
Even though swinging or partner swapping would require changing partners, then it is not quite like that. Swapping partners does not always mean physically changing partners, several couples have found that being in the same bed with another couple and having sex side by side is actually quite enough for them. It is now, of course, a matter of interpretation whether somebody sees this as swinging, but we find that you are sharing with strangers something that you do not normally share, and that is already enough to be swapping. Many couples do actually start foreplay with another partner, but the real sex is still only with their own partner, so there is definitely no obligation.
Who is not suitable for the swinger lifestyle?
Here, in fact, we come full circle back to the beginning, where we mentioned that couples whose relationship is broken, should not engage in swinging, because swapping partners does not improve a broken relationship, it will likely break it instead. If the male half of the couple is the one wanting to have sex with another woman, he has to think whether he really wants to see another man having sex with his wife. Situations are common where men drag women into this world alongside themselves, but soon discover that their quiet domestic cat has become a real tiger and is happy to play with other men. Partners who cannot imagine their other half in bed with another person should definitely not engage in swinging. However, you cannot know everything in advance, that is why this topic must be started with step-by-step, and if you start feeling overwhelmed, then just take a break.
We hope that you have found this article to be useful, if it could be a way to get you to talk about your wishes, then you are welcome to share it with your partner or friends.